Maybe not all, but most children go through a phase of separation anxiety. It's a glorious thing to be standing in the doorway to the kindergarten classroom trying to unclasp your child's arms and legs from around your body while they're screaming like a banshee so the entire building can hear them and flooding the front of your clothing with a waterfall of tears; all the while 4 parents and the teacher are all staring in awe with judgmental expressions on their faces. You then begin to wonder; as you continue trying to pry your child off of you; what demon has possessed your child and allowed them to acquire this Hercules-like strength and hurricane driven lungs able to produce glass shattering screams. Finally the teacher snaps out of her trance and assists in peeling your child off of you and you leave your flailing, screaming child in the teacher's arms as you begin to make tracks for the exit. First at a brisk pace, then at a power-walk speed while slowly increasing to a run, but of course trying to make it NOT look like you're actually running away. You finally make it back to your vehicle, start the engine and just sit there taking a few slow calming breaths as you shake with nervous tremors. After a few minutes you buckle up, put the car in drive and go about your day, knowing that tomorrow morning is going to go down as a nightmarish repeat of this morning. And so the mornings will go for an unknown number of days until your child finally realizes that you ARE coming back. This whole scenario may take place at school, at Sunday school, at Grandma's or even at your own home as you head out and leave a sitter there to hold down the fort. There is bliss in the knowledge that EVENTUALLY your child will outgrow this phase and move on to other blessedly annoying phases of their maturing lives.
Now we flash forward between 12-14 years to the college departure when mom goes through her tantrum of separation anxiety. Although, to be totally honest, there are mini episodes earlier than this as your child leaves for 2 weeks of camp, or a week away from home with friends or the church group. See, it's preparation; a test run if you will; to see how mom will handle the real thing when they leave for college. To your child, it’s a great adventure while we do nothing but worry that they weren’t ready to go without mom.
Like I said - trial run, right?! Still, none too easy though. Frankly; so far, I have not been one of those hysterical moms that practically chokes the life out of their kid by hugging them around their neck with a ninja grip while babbling something incoherent through soppy tears. Don't get me wrong, even if you aren't the hysterical blubbering mother, anxiety still does kick in and you start to have a myriad of thoughts that all begin with "What if!!".... Guess what?? They may not be what we as parents consider fully grown adults yet, but they can handle themselves. If deep down inside we honestly thought they couldn't handle it and wouldn't be alright then we wouldn't have agreed to let them go in the first place. Yes, travel with family is a spectacular experience (and we have the photos to prove it); but traveling without family, meeting new people, making new friends, stretching their wings and taking advantage of opportunities like this is a phenomenal experience that they will remember for the rest of their lives. Kids need a little time away, a little independence, to learn and grow on their own without mom and dad leading them around by their noses or changing their path for them and pushing them in the right direction. It's actually a practice run for everyone involved! Of course, then as a parent you have to take the sibling or siblings that are left at home into consideration. Brother or Sister gets to take a huge trip all on their own while they are stuck at home with mom and dad - Woo-Hoo, right?! Use this time to bond and do something special with the kid or kids at home, don't sit their pouting like a 3 year old because one of your chicks has left the nest for a short while. Not only will your kid or kids at home be completely flabbergasted as to what to do with this basket-case they've been left with; but they also might feel like they're not as worthy of your love and attention as brother or sister is.
I remember as a kid it was quite an adventure going away without mom and dad. Of course, all my adventures was with friends I already knew, but it was still an adventure. The world when I was 15 was a totally different plain of reality. You could glance away from your toddler in a store without the fear of him/her being snatched; people actually looked out for other kids whether they knew them or not. You could go into a public restroom without wondering who was going to follow you in there and rob you. It seemed to be a safer time than these days. But was it really safer or was our perception blurred because we were kids and unaware of the realities that went on?? Yes there are threats out there but we can't cage our children from the big bad world and keep them in seclusion all their lives. They have to be let out, they need to gain their independence, they need to see our great landmarks and have these phenomenal experiences without us. Teach them to be safe, to be cautious and trust that they'll use good judgement and remember what they've been taught.
In the meantime, while they're away having the time of their lives we're sleeping and peeing with our cell phone in our hand NEVER putting it down so we don't miss their call; watching the weather report for some part of the country we previously had no interest in; possibly using an exorbitant amount of tissues while claiming it's just allergies; and checking their online banking accounts for any transactions that might give us a clue as to what they're doing today. Even though it seems like an eternity, finally their trip of a lifetime is over and they're home again, safe under our roof in their own bed.
"The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence".
Quote by Denis E. Waitley; he is an American motivational speaker and writer, consultant and best-selling author.
"You cannot build character and courage by taking away man's initiative and independence".
Quote by Abraham Lincoln; he was the 16th President of the United States, serving from March 1861 until his assassination in April 1865.